Thank you Jesus for wonderful and loving friends who pray and love you up in the middle of a personal crisis. My wonderful church family did this for me today. But I learned a great lesson that I thought I really understood but didn't until this day. Even those of us with great faith need the strength of others to build us up from time to time. And my faith needed building up today and it received much love and mercy from others because I had the courage to tell others what I've been going through with my son and his wife. I guess I'm allowed to feel discouraged, right? I'm only human afterall.
I will think on this day again when I need to remember that I'm loved not only by my family but by my church family too because they are who God has blessed me with in my life to lean on when troubled waters come pouring down. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.

Press On-Selah

When I am feeling down this is the song I can relate to. And God is there holding me like the lyrics of this song; I will Press On one day at a time.

ANOTHER HALLELUJAH -- LINCOLN BREWSTER TRIBUTE TO JIM ELLIOT

I love this song. Enjoy - I hope the Geico commerical doesn't throw you off. Get past it and enjoy this very lovely melody... I did.

Pain

I've been to the Dr now and we can't seem to find where my pain is coming from. I've been asked if I'm under stress... Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes I think I must be. This pain started in my back on the right side. About 2 months ago is when I first noticed it. So I've had a thorasic xray~ nothing; then a chest xray~ nothing... so I'm done except for maybe checking into chiropractic help. I'll get on that as soon as I find some time.

A morning televsion show with a lady who does stretching exercises on PBS has helped me to endure this pain a little better. I feel a little better mentally too after doing these stretches. I think I shall continue on with it and see what additional help it brings.

A good dose of my ex pastor would help. I miss him a lot. I just miss his presence on Sundays. Nothing against our new pastor. Abosolutely nothing. I really like her. Maybe someday he will come and visit our church again. A very nice thought!

Anyways, I digress, back to the pain issue. It now radiates my entire middle section of my back from one side of my back to the other. So I think something is out of place. Yes, I think so. It hurts some to take deep breaths too so I know that's not right. My husband and I are both going in to have some blood work done to see if anything shows up there. Gosh, I just want the pain to stop. On a scale of 1 to 10 some days are a 7 tetering to 8. But things at work have been hectic too and I'm on the phone with people all day long and that gets CRAZY!

And one more issue in my life is a more complicated one. One that I feel I really don't know how it will end~ maybe because I will not live long enough to see how it plays out and actually, I don't want to live to see how it ends. It hurts a lot to begin to even speak about it. But I need to pour it out to somebody even if it's just this computer screen.

God has seen my pain, heard my cries, enveloped me in His loving Grace and given me peace that passes all understanding. I've read bible verses. Meditated on his word... everything. But I still am going down, down, down. I don't want to feel this way. I really, really don't. I even said something out loud half teasing but half truthful too, and it scared me. But I'm not repeating what I said because my true inner self, the one who really loves God, will not allow those words to be spoken again. It had to be satan. It had to be. I'm not letting him in again. Never. So be it.

My son, Luke, and his wife are divorcing ~ this has been so painful for me to go through because of the baby girls they have and a little boy soon to be born in April. Three little lives are going to be torn apart before they even get the chance to know what a life would be like with a mommy and a daddy in it... together... in love, with love, for better or for worse. I can't fix this. I can't fix this. I can't fix this. I hate this. I HATE THIS. She's in California waiting to have the baby. He's here. Too many miles apart. How will this work out? How? How?How? I pray for a miracle from God. Please, Lord...