The kids have been gone almost a week now back to their home in Virginia. I've not let myself cry over it but I think that's what happened to me last night. I had gone to bed to watch one of my favorite shows and fell asleep. Hubby was on the couch watching tv and had obviously fallen asleep too. Why do I know that? Well, I woke up to a very bad cramp in my left foot! And it would not let up! I began to scream out in pain and yell out to my hubby. SEVERAL TIMES I called his name and each time I got louder the pain got worse. I began to panic because I had all kinds of things cross my mind... I must have been kind of out of it but my thoughts were crazy! Oh, one more thing to add to the story is my hubby is leaving town soon for a business trip and I have not been ALONE in this house for quite some time. And the thought bothers me. I don't sleep well when he's not here. So with that said those thoughts I was having was flopping my emotions from anger to sadness, to self pity, to down right frustration! I thought to myself, "What if I was having a heart attack or something like a stroke and couldn't get out of this bed to get him? I would die right here and he would never know I was in distress..." And you know what? That scared me enough to jump right out of bed with that god forsaken cramped up foot. What do you know but it stopped cramping once I put my weight on it?!?!? I really felt stupid because here I was crying by eyes out in frustration because he was not hearing my panic sticken screams. He does have some hearing loss from years of working in a factory and the tv was on a little too loud but darn it I needed him and I needed him now.
I marched over to the couch and hit his shoulder with my hand as if to say - WAKE UP MISTER I'M IN PAIN AND YOU ARE GOING TO KNOW ABOUT IT! (I can laugh about this now but not last night!) So he asked me what was the matter and through my tears I think I said something like, "I've been writhing in bed for 10 minutes trying to get a cramp out of my foot and all the while yelling out your name and you didn't hear me! What if I would of had a heart attack or something? You would never know it and I'd be dead right now. Get a hearing aid! Or learn to turn that darn tv down when you are lying down knowing you will be falling asleep!"
Ugh! He tried to comfort me by telling me how sorry he was and I said it was ok that I just over reacted I guess because of all the things that have been happening in our life with one son and his family moving back with us for hte past 3 months; my young cousin dying; my dad's alzheimer's; mom's fragile health; then my other son and his family coming for a week then leaving and all of the dying and visiting/leaving happened in the same week~ I guess it was bound to get out of me somehow, huh?
Well, God is good and he spoke to me in some scriptures I've been reading in the book of Phillipians. I must remember that I need to remember God's gift of Joy and how wonderful it is. I can have a bad day/night but I don't need to waller in it right? Even through my pain I found Joy in just sharing my sillyness to everyone who wants to listen or read my story...
My commentary from my bible says this: Christians are to be joyful in every circumstance, even when things are going badly, even when we feel like complaining, even when no one else is joyful. Christ still reigns, and we still know him, so we can rejoice at all times... one day at a time!
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