His name is Ken Mahan.
He has been our minister for several years and is going to retire on June 20th.
I don't like this.
But I accept it because he deserves a good retirement.
Here is a poem I dedicate to him.
"It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine."
"The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so easily,
But in my hands they die."
"If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?"
"So I'll trust in God for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to God for guidance
In each step of the way."
"The path that lies before me,
Only my Lord knows.
I'll trust God to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose."
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Mother's Day
This past Mother's Day I was asked to perform a one woman skit called, "The Invisible Woman."
I have not memorized anything much since I was in high school drama over thirty years ago. So here is what I memorized and presented to both services.
It started…. It started to happen gradually.
I would walk into a room and say something, and no one would notice. I would say, "Turn the TV down please" and nothing would happen. So I would get louder ........ "Turn the TV down Please!" Finally, I would have to go over and turn the TV down myself.
And then I started to notice it elsewhere.
I would walk my son to school and his teacher would say "Jake, who's that with you?" And my son would say "nobody." Granted, he's just 5, but "nobody" ? That's when I started to put it together. I'm invisible. He can't see me.One night a group of us gathered and we were celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just taken this fabulous trip and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there.....looking at the other women at the table. I had put my make up on in the car on the way.....I had an old dress on because it was the only thing clean.....and I had my unwashed hair pulled up in a banana clip and was feeling pretty darn pathetic.
Just then Janice turned to me and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I didn't understand........And then I read the inscription. She wrote "With admiration for all the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
You can't name the names of the people who built the great cathedrals. Over and over again looking at these man made works, you scan down to find the names and it says "unknown......unknown......unknown."
They completed things…… not knowing that anyone would notice.
There's a story about one of the builders who was carving a tiny bird inside a beam that would be covered over by a roof. And someone came up to him and said "Why are you spending so much time on something no one will see?" and it's reported that the builder replied "because God sees."
I closed the book...and it was as if I heard God say, "I see you. You are not invisible to me. No sacrifice is too small for me to notice. I see every cupcake baked, every sequin sewn on, every tear of disappointment when things don't go the way you want them to go.
Remember, you are building a great cathedral. It will not be finished in your lifetime.
And sadly, you will never get to live there. But if you build it well, I will live there. I’ll live there…. And I thought of my children… If you build it well…I’ll live there.
See at times, my invisibility has felt like an affliction to me. But….. it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure… for the disease of MY self-centeredness. It is the antidote…. to my own pride.
It's ok that they don't see.
It's ok that they don't know.
I don’t want my son to tell his friends, “You’re not going to believe what my mom does. She gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes pies, handbastes the turkey and presses all the linens.”
Even if I do all those things, I don’t want him to say that… I want him… to want to come home….and I want him to say to his friends, “You’re going to love it there.”
It’s ok that they don’t see – me.
I don't work for them.
God sees… God sees.
We work for Him…. Sacrifice for Him.
They might never see.....not if we do it right.......
Let's pray that our work, our Love, will stand as a monument to God.
I have not memorized anything much since I was in high school drama over thirty years ago. So here is what I memorized and presented to both services.
It started…. It started to happen gradually.
I would walk into a room and say something, and no one would notice. I would say, "Turn the TV down please" and nothing would happen. So I would get louder ........ "Turn the TV down Please!" Finally, I would have to go over and turn the TV down myself.
And then I started to notice it elsewhere.
I would walk my son to school and his teacher would say "Jake, who's that with you?" And my son would say "nobody." Granted, he's just 5, but "nobody" ? That's when I started to put it together. I'm invisible. He can't see me.One night a group of us gathered and we were celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just taken this fabulous trip and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there.....looking at the other women at the table. I had put my make up on in the car on the way.....I had an old dress on because it was the only thing clean.....and I had my unwashed hair pulled up in a banana clip and was feeling pretty darn pathetic.
Just then Janice turned to me and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I didn't understand........And then I read the inscription. She wrote "With admiration for all the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
You can't name the names of the people who built the great cathedrals. Over and over again looking at these man made works, you scan down to find the names and it says "unknown......unknown......unknown."
They completed things…… not knowing that anyone would notice.
There's a story about one of the builders who was carving a tiny bird inside a beam that would be covered over by a roof. And someone came up to him and said "Why are you spending so much time on something no one will see?" and it's reported that the builder replied "because God sees."
I closed the book...and it was as if I heard God say, "I see you. You are not invisible to me. No sacrifice is too small for me to notice. I see every cupcake baked, every sequin sewn on, every tear of disappointment when things don't go the way you want them to go.
Remember, you are building a great cathedral. It will not be finished in your lifetime.
And sadly, you will never get to live there. But if you build it well, I will live there. I’ll live there…. And I thought of my children… If you build it well…I’ll live there.
See at times, my invisibility has felt like an affliction to me. But….. it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure… for the disease of MY self-centeredness. It is the antidote…. to my own pride.
It's ok that they don't see.
It's ok that they don't know.
I don’t want my son to tell his friends, “You’re not going to believe what my mom does. She gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes pies, handbastes the turkey and presses all the linens.”
Even if I do all those things, I don’t want him to say that… I want him… to want to come home….and I want him to say to his friends, “You’re going to love it there.”
It’s ok that they don’t see – me.
I don't work for them.
God sees… God sees.
We work for Him…. Sacrifice for Him.
They might never see.....not if we do it right.......
Let's pray that our work, our Love, will stand as a monument to God.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
My Lament
God, some days I feel like I am being whipped back and forth from one emotion to the next.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold on to the faith that I claim I have!
What is this dark power that seems to move into my life with such destruction in my soul?
I don’t understand me, how can you?
All I want, is to know You are working out a good thing in my life!
I will wait to hear from You. I will pray for Your grace to show me the way back to You.
Father, please forgive me when I am impatient when waiting upon You to answer my whines and whimpers.
You died for my sins.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold on to the faith that I claim I have!
What is this dark power that seems to move into my life with such destruction in my soul?
I don’t understand me, how can you?
All I want, is to know You are working out a good thing in my life!
I will wait to hear from You. I will pray for Your grace to show me the way back to You.
Father, please forgive me when I am impatient when waiting upon You to answer my whines and whimpers.
You died for my sins.
I will never understand that kind of Love.
But I thank you for what it’s done for my life.
So let that dark power try to come against me ~ it’s won’t take me, Lord.
So let that dark power try to come against me ~ it’s won’t take me, Lord.
I have your promise that you are with me always until the very end.
I lift my hands in praise to you for your divine love, grace, and forgiveness.
I lift my hands in praise to you for your divine love, grace, and forgiveness.
Please grant me peace that surpasses all understanding.
Monday, May 3, 2010
When We Wrestle With Doubt
Today I attended the funeral. One of my co-workers, Chris, lost his parents on April 25th in a tragic motorcycle accident 500 miles away from here. Chris is 20 years old and has three siblings and the youngest is 11. Can anybody say "ORPHAN"? Oh my this has just thrown me into a tizzy with God. Everything I believe in has been tested this past week. As I was having my breakfast, I began conversing with God. This conversation ended up with me crying my eyes out asking God why did he have to do this to those poor children? So if I'm asking those questions, me, a seasoned believer, I know those kids are really being tossed around in the pit of hell! Or maybe not... maybe it's just me feeling sorry for them. Well, God did let me say my peace. For that I give thanks to Him for being an understanding God. He knows we can't comprehend these things. It's not for us to understand but it is for us to believe He has a plan and through this terrible thing He has a good purpose for those people who have been touched by this accident. It's not an accident at all. It was supposed to happen. Why? That's the mystery. That's why we are called "believers." We believe in that which we cannot see, we cannot touch, we cannot taste. And when we cannot wrestle with God anymore we simply trust Him, one day at a time...
Monday, April 26, 2010
Deaths Happen in Dozens not Threes
Deaths happen in threes they say. Well I think they happen in dozens. We are not even half way through 2010 and I've been to a funeral home probably more times that I can count on my fingers. I am really trying very hard to put my hope in Jesus. Really trying hard to make sense of some people's deaths that just happened within hours of each other. Dear Father, I know we lean on you during the times that we cannot make sense of why... right now I am just exhausted and I'm barely hanging on so please comfort me as well.
My heart is breaking for some young college girls who have grown up in our church. Their father was found dead by their grandmother. This precious grandmother is my neighbor. She lost her husband over a year ago and now she has lost her one and only son. As the day was ending I got a text on my phone from a co-worker telling me that she had heard something from her stepson. Now my heart is breaking for a part-time college kid who works where I am employed. His father had moved the rest of the family to Alabama. It was a work related move. Anyways, the father had just bought a motorcycle and he and his wife were riding it and were involved in a tragic accident which killed them both. Shocking is the not even the description of my comprehension of these tragic deaths. When deaths happen which just leave you speechless you wonder then what must the family be feeling? Oh God please comfort these children who are left behind to mourn for their mommy and daddy. Yes these kids are not little anymore but they are still kids just the same. Thank God for their grandparents who are going to be there for them!
Please, if you are reading my post, take this opportunity to know God more. Life on this earth should not be wasted on hurting others or yourself. Love deeply like Jesus did. Love people no matter what they've done to you. Love someone today, please? I will be loving up two families this week who will be lost in grief. As I end this post I do so with tears in my eyes but looking upward to heaven asking God to be with them all, one day at a time.
My heart is breaking for some young college girls who have grown up in our church. Their father was found dead by their grandmother. This precious grandmother is my neighbor. She lost her husband over a year ago and now she has lost her one and only son. As the day was ending I got a text on my phone from a co-worker telling me that she had heard something from her stepson. Now my heart is breaking for a part-time college kid who works where I am employed. His father had moved the rest of the family to Alabama. It was a work related move. Anyways, the father had just bought a motorcycle and he and his wife were riding it and were involved in a tragic accident which killed them both. Shocking is the not even the description of my comprehension of these tragic deaths. When deaths happen which just leave you speechless you wonder then what must the family be feeling? Oh God please comfort these children who are left behind to mourn for their mommy and daddy. Yes these kids are not little anymore but they are still kids just the same. Thank God for their grandparents who are going to be there for them!
Please, if you are reading my post, take this opportunity to know God more. Life on this earth should not be wasted on hurting others or yourself. Love deeply like Jesus did. Love people no matter what they've done to you. Love someone today, please? I will be loving up two families this week who will be lost in grief. As I end this post I do so with tears in my eyes but looking upward to heaven asking God to be with them all, one day at a time.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Finding Joy in Every Circumstance
The kids have been gone almost a week now back to their home in Virginia. I've not let myself cry over it but I think that's what happened to me last night. I had gone to bed to watch one of my favorite shows and fell asleep. Hubby was on the couch watching tv and had obviously fallen asleep too. Why do I know that? Well, I woke up to a very bad cramp in my left foot! And it would not let up! I began to scream out in pain and yell out to my hubby. SEVERAL TIMES I called his name and each time I got louder the pain got worse. I began to panic because I had all kinds of things cross my mind... I must have been kind of out of it but my thoughts were crazy! Oh, one more thing to add to the story is my hubby is leaving town soon for a business trip and I have not been ALONE in this house for quite some time. And the thought bothers me. I don't sleep well when he's not here. So with that said those thoughts I was having was flopping my emotions from anger to sadness, to self pity, to down right frustration! I thought to myself, "What if I was having a heart attack or something like a stroke and couldn't get out of this bed to get him? I would die right here and he would never know I was in distress..." And you know what? That scared me enough to jump right out of bed with that god forsaken cramped up foot. What do you know but it stopped cramping once I put my weight on it?!?!? I really felt stupid because here I was crying by eyes out in frustration because he was not hearing my panic sticken screams. He does have some hearing loss from years of working in a factory and the tv was on a little too loud but darn it I needed him and I needed him now.
I marched over to the couch and hit his shoulder with my hand as if to say - WAKE UP MISTER I'M IN PAIN AND YOU ARE GOING TO KNOW ABOUT IT! (I can laugh about this now but not last night!) So he asked me what was the matter and through my tears I think I said something like, "I've been writhing in bed for 10 minutes trying to get a cramp out of my foot and all the while yelling out your name and you didn't hear me! What if I would of had a heart attack or something? You would never know it and I'd be dead right now. Get a hearing aid! Or learn to turn that darn tv down when you are lying down knowing you will be falling asleep!"
Ugh! He tried to comfort me by telling me how sorry he was and I said it was ok that I just over reacted I guess because of all the things that have been happening in our life with one son and his family moving back with us for hte past 3 months; my young cousin dying; my dad's alzheimer's; mom's fragile health; then my other son and his family coming for a week then leaving and all of the dying and visiting/leaving happened in the same week~ I guess it was bound to get out of me somehow, huh?
Well, God is good and he spoke to me in some scriptures I've been reading in the book of Phillipians. I must remember that I need to remember God's gift of Joy and how wonderful it is. I can have a bad day/night but I don't need to waller in it right? Even through my pain I found Joy in just sharing my sillyness to everyone who wants to listen or read my story...
My commentary from my bible says this: Christians are to be joyful in every circumstance, even when things are going badly, even when we feel like complaining, even when no one else is joyful. Christ still reigns, and we still know him, so we can rejoice at all times... one day at a time!
Monday, April 12, 2010
God Answers Prayers
I recently wrote Easter and how my son has been looking for a home for he and his family. God answered prayers. Right after I wrote that blog they got a phone call about a house. And it's a really nice house. And the way it came about was really a God thing. Because of their short sell situation that they left in California to move back to Indiana, there was no way they would be able to just go get a loan from any bank. All the banks said they couldn't lend to them unless they had an enourmous amount of money for a down payment. These are twenty somethings, they have to money! Anyways, the realtor knew the owner of this new home and to make a long story short... the owner knew that my father in law (may he rest in peace) was good friends with the original owner of the Realty company the realtor works for. And because of this "friendship" that goes way back, the owner made Luke a great offer - yes he made Luke an offer!! Not the other way around. He wanted to help Luke and my dear daughter-in-law out and asked them for $1000 down payment. They agreed upon a monthly payment they could handle for the next 2 years and at the end of the 2 years they can then go get a loan from a bank to pay for the home. It's the best thing that could of happened to them and I prayed for this to happen and God answered! And it is the house that suits them both. I can't be happier that it has worked out this way. We all had a lot of things to learn about each other and I think God was working on all of us too! I think he taught me a lot about myself. I'm stronger than I know I am because I have learned to lean on Him and not myself. God is so good!
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